INTROVERSION IS NOT A WEAKNESS!
- Anita Kumaran
- Mar 7, 2019
- 8 min read
I attended a training seminar a few weeks ago and we were given a personality test (not Myers Briggs) to identify our personality group from 4 major types. All was well UNTIL I came across a question that asked me to pick a weakness. One of the four options given was INTROVERT. Long story short, I wanted to flip the table. It took me more than 20 years to fully embrace my personality; the quirks and odds and all as well as to grasp the fact that no child should be shunned for the mere reason that they are introverted. Sure, we don’t function in the way the world expects us to but the one thing I have come to believe upon seeing and experiencing first hand is that one should NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE INTROVERT. Just give them a chance and watch them shine.
NOT OUR WORLD
Living in a world that is seemingly custom made for extroverts, many of us introverts would have a history of having difficulties trying to fit in even as children. It is easy for anyone in my vicinity to note that I am a true introvert because most of the time, I’d go to extreme lengths in trying to avoid small talk with strangers and acquaintances alike. But most of the time, the said random stranger or acquaintance would just decide to strike up a conversation with me through small talk which I am absolutely horrible at and my reply to their probing questions would often be close ended as I just pray and hope that they have more pressing matters to attend to or I bore them to leave me be; whichever comes first. After which I immediately feel bad for being a terrible conversationalist and hope that I didn’t offend them and in retrospect think about things I could have said instead. The STRUGGLE IS REAL!
This has been the case even when I was in school…no wait, especially when I was in school. I was always that quiet kid in class who would freeze up if the attention was diverted my way particularly by the teacher. I would have so many things I don’t understand and would like to ask but have no way of forming a cohesive question that I could voice out. When I actually do, I would be left even more confused than before and sometimes the teacher may not understand what I don’t understand (this always happens in Math class). As a result, the one constant thing that my teachers always tell my parents during progress report day is, “She’s too quiet in class,” or “I wish she asked more questions.”
It was simply a case of an introvert being drilled to be an extrovert which always ends up in failure. I not only felt invalid but couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something wrong with me for not wanting to speak. Years and years that went into drilling into my head that my personality trait is an undesirable one made me question my own abilities as would have any other introvert that went through the same.
The problem is, nobody told me that I’m an introvert and that it was okay to feel the way I felt. Never, not once… Not even now.
Tell me, what kind of world would we be living in if all anyone cared about was to be heard and never to listen?
HIGH FUNCTIONING INTROVERT
Just look up the requirements for a job and one of the top requirements would be someone who is a chatty, social type. Job listings SCREAM in caps lock for extroverts whereas almost second to none asks for a quiet, soft-spoken personality. We introverts have begrudgingly come to terms with this factor as wherever we go, it seems to taunt and haunt us. A majority of us may have developed coping strategies to function in this world and society and put on a mask that is expected of us because there is no other way if you think about it. Luckily for us, we do the talking in our minds. Our brains are probably as busy as a night market and quite frankly, mine never shuts up! For in our minds, stem the wildest of ideas.
We learnt it the hard way that we need to give the society what they want yet stay true to our inner selves. Thus, the high functioning introvert is formed.
For an introvert, my job requires the MOST human interaction possible within the span of an average working day; teaching. By the end of the week, I want to have nothing to do with people. I’d rather be left alone in my room or somewhere quiet to let my mind buzz on because that’s how we recharge before we resume work or get back into the world the following week. If you feel drained out and want to just be in solitude so much so that you don’t even feel like chatting up with your friends, I feel you and I’m here to assure you that it is only normal to feel that way being an introvert. To most of us, the prospect of Friday night in is more lucrative than a Friday night out.
For in our minds, stem the wildest of ideas.
SELF EXPRESSION AND OVERCOMING STAGE FRIGHT
Once I identified myself as an introvert which was somewhere along high school, I thought about and looked up ways I can express myself in ways other than verbally. This is probably where I discovered my flair for writing. The funny thing is, I’ve always been writing. I remember documenting my very first excursion to the waterpark in a diary as a six year old and I later rediscovered it when I was around 9 only to read and laugh at how ‘basic’ I sounded. It was a start nonetheless. I’ve always felt absolute freedom when I write because I am capable of crafting out my thoughts and perfecting what I’m trying to say in my own time before releasing it out into the world. This article alone is a testament to that.
You can experiment and find ways where you feel the most comfortable in expressing your thoughts and ideas, however abstract they may be. Some tools also include art or music including doodles or sketches.
I remember how standing in front of the class and giving a presentation used to scare the living hell out of me so much so that I’d be practicing till the last second that I get up there. Yet, in college, I got to a point where I could do it almost spontaneously. It’s only because I talked myself through it over the years and found ways of overcoming stage fright. My best tip is to stare at the wall or look right over the crowd’s heads if you’re too nervous. It gives them an illusion that you’re looking at them and they would have no choice but to listen and pay attention to you which is basically the goal here. After getting comfortable just standing in front of the crowd, speaking and feigning eye-contact, I went in for the real test. ACTUAL eye-contact… YIKES! Okay, maybe the first time was horrendous but after a while, you get used to it. I scan over and pick out at least 4 people from across the room (One on the left, two in the middle and one on the right) and would look right at them. Usually, I go for the responsive ones because often times, they’d be nodding or reacting to what I say and it really does help me when I’m presenting something as it serves as an assurance that I’m not speaking gibberish. Before you know it… there you are giving spontaneous speeches and they wouldn’t even know that you were terrified of it years ago.
HONING THE GIFT OF INTROVERSION
Every individual out there in the world as we know it would have had the passage through the chambers of knowledge A.K.A ‘the classroom’ in their lives. As a teacher, there is one thing that I have made a point to make sure I do; nurture the introverts. Being one myself has helped me be more intuitive and perceptive of others that are my kin. I can immediately identify an introvert as soon as I walk into a room. I aspire to ensure that no introvert feels the same way I did when I was a student all those years ago; dismissed for being quiet and not given the opportunity to lead or take up a project for the very same reason. You don’t even have to be a teacher to help out a fellow introvert in your life to find their place in the world.
How exactly do I do that?
1) Be there
Once again, the key is intuition and perception. Introverts almost never approach you directly, not until they feel safe and comfortable in confiding in you anyway. I remember being able to ask certain teachers anything on my mind and steering clear of some because they look at me as if I was speaking an alien language. I ensure that each and every one of them know that I am available to them to answer any question that they may have and I stay on until both of us are sure the answer has been discovered and they can proceed from that point on. I leave ensuring that it isn’t a bother if they come back to ask another question or if they return with the same one.
2) Prompt
If they feel tongue-tied and are unsure of how exactly to ask what’s concerning them, I prompt them by asking which part of the question they are unsure about. Patience is a virtue and that is one asset that I have sharpened over the years because I’ve constantly had my patience tested. Allow them time to think about it and help them articulate their thoughts.
3) Don’t judge
After establishing that I won’t judge them even if they ask me the simplest of questions because they purely don’t understand it, I’ve noticed that many of them are very forthcoming with their questions and curiosities. Take note that they are still introverts and I don’t believe that changing them into an extrovert is the end point at all. On the contrary, it is to enable them to understand how they function and to build up on that.
4) Provide Opportunities
I often get a kick out of assigning introverts leadership roles and prominent parts; not because I want to change them into extroverts. It is simply to get them to see it for themselves exactly how much are they capable of when granted the right opportunity. Of course, they will have a rough start in establishing the group dynamics and how they can go about in assuming the role they were trusted with but the end product (with enough support and guidance of course) are almost always astonishing! It’s all about helping them to take the abstract idea that lives in their mind and communicate them through mediums other than mere words. That is where art and visuals come into play.
The end game is to ensure that they establish and understand that they can continue to be introverts and that there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. They simply have to identify their style of putting their thoughts out there and seizing the opportunity to show the world their talents.
SHINE LITTLE INTROVERT
It wasn’t until I was in college that I learnt how to function the way I am. I slowly came out of my shell and asked questions out in the open classroom which would have been a nightmare for me just a couple of years ago. How did this change come about? I was simply trusted with leadership roles and opportunities to explore my skills and to be more adventurous in the pivotal years of my life; the final 3 years of high school and I truly learnt a great deal. Heck, just 2 years ago when I started bookstagramming I didn’t dare to put myself in my pictures for the world to see and here we are.
If you are an introvert like me, know that there is nothing wrong in being one. You simply have to go through a series of trial and error and possibly blind faith in trying out things you never thought you would, even if it is intimidating. Don’t let the world tell you that you can’t because you’re the quiet kind. Prove them otherwise.
Long live the introverts and may we shine bright!
-Anita Kumaran
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